...

Entre toda la maraña de pendientes, la más dura es tener que trabajar, y ya como un problema de endogeneidad, trabajar en estas circunstancias. Mi empleo de verano me deprime terriblemente y ya no encuentro motivación para seguir. Sólo cuatro días más y el final, pero cada día se siente más pesado y más difícil. De pronto siento que erré de carrera. Necesito urgentemente volver de lleno a mi investigación y volver a encontrar mi hilo conductor. Tantos años y de pronto sentir que no tengo nada... y a meses de entrar al mercado laborar. Qué terror.

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En mis sueños mi inconsciente pasa revista al pasado, y de alguna manera siento que limpia pasadas experiencias.

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Esta historia viene en un librito que Bob y Kathy nos regalaron por motivo de la boda. Si pudiera leería esto en la ceremonia.

The Day Love was Born

The angels saw it all. Creator spoke, and suddenly the dark, swirling chaos of the cosmos disappeared, leaving an ordered universe in its place.
Night. Day. Land. Water. Word by word, day by day, the plan of Creator unfolded before the heavenly host, each creation more wonderful than the last. The Father spoke. The Spirit moved. And the angels applauded.
"Marvelous!" cried one angel. "Incredible!" said another. The brilliant blue and green planet beckoned with beauty, nestled against the black night sprinkled with stars. Layered with lush forests and soaring mountains, it was a palace fit for a King. As though God himself would dwell there.
"Unthinkable!" cried one. "Ludicrous!" said another.
And yet it was so. Each evening Creator left his throne and walked in the garden he'd created, visiting the man he'd formed from the dust of this new world. The man created to fellowship with almighty God.
Why? the angels wondered. Never had such an honor been given. And yet somehow they understood. The heart of Creator was so large it ached to love. The adoration of angels and their unrestrained praise filled his ears but failed to touch his heart. He longed for love. Not worship. Not fearful reverence. But love.
Laughter echoed across the garden and into heaven. The fellowship was sweet. Creator smiled as Created named each animal, exulting in every one. Together they explored the secrets of Eden and the wonder of this new friendship. But as the days passed, a growing conviction gripped the heart of Creator. A bittersweet realization that there was still more to give.
Each creature had a mate. Another of its kind. But the man was alone.
"It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helpmate". And in that moment love was born. Not in the creation of the woman, but in the Creator's willingness to share the man. In the Creator's willingness to give.
For God so loved... he gave. Though it meant sacrificing the single-minded devotion of the man, God gave. Though it meant sharing the communion meant only for him, God gave. Though it meant the willful disobedience of man and woman would someday cost Creator the life of his dear Son, God gave.
We, too, must give if we endeavor to love. Love holds no room for selfishness. It is only in laying down our life that we find it. It is only in losing that we win.
We can learn a lot from the day love was born.

-Joanna Weaver, With this ring. Promises to keep (2008)

cambio de dirección, viento en popa incluído

Éste es el primer Miércoles de Ceniza que tiene sentido para mí. Es también la primera vez que ayuno de verdad (nada de alimento antes de las 6:30pm). Y la primera vez que lo hice por decisión propia, con conocimiento de causa, por necesidad.
Y me duele la cabeza, pero todo comienza a cobrar sentido.

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Recuento:
Lunes 28, exámenes orales aprobados.
Martes 1ero, primera piedra en una misión que empieza a vislumbrarse
Viernes 4, hallazgo del lugar perfecto para vivir a partir de mayo, sujeto a aprobación
Sábado 5, entrenamiento para aprender a compartir Su esperanza... y eso suena a más que suficiente para tener un día largo y ocupado y provechoso que lleve a una merecida cena y posterior descanso. Pero no. Esa misma noche mi vida dio un giro. Y hoy mi vida no es sólo mía sino una mitad de una vida que hemos decidido emprender juntos
Una pregunta, un sí por respuesta, y dejamos de ser dos para ser uno. Y de pronto pareciera que todo lo que ha pasado en mi vida hasta ahora tuvo su razón de ser, y fue la de permitirme estar aquí, estar juntos. Mi hogar. Por siempre.